I’m tired today. Its been a long hard week. I’m trying to pull together my new organisation, and its in the final stages. There have been plenty of heated arguments, though thankfully the CEO has backed me up as well as the group MD. I’m pulling people out of other departments you see, that always creates dissent. On top of that I’ve been negotiating with a supplier. They’re already working, we’ve already agreed the price, its been all about the final wording in the contract. They have internal pressures which need the contract signed today. On top of that I’ve got two other, more standard, software contracts to sign. No argument, just time consuming.

So I’m tired. I meant to get home early last night. LL had a girls night out organised, so I was on child watch duty. I was looking forward to it, a chance to get things organised for the weekend and maybe even hit my bed early.

It was not to be. Someone decided to kill themselves on the train tracks. This always causes huge havoc. Grumbling crowds filling Waterloo, announcements that are often confused, always not informative enough. Normal trains cancelled or delayed, new routes opened, or stopping schedules changed. Its havoc, pure havoc.

I finally got on one, which promised a fast journey home, but halfway through it stopped for 15 minutes, then turned itself into a stopping train hitting all the small commuting stations rather than just punching through as originally promised. Its at times like that when I wish ill and no bonuses to the managers in charge. That’s just unnecessary.

But what really gets me is the suicide. I’ve had my moments of blackness in my life, when the question comes up if it would be better to just end it. The answer, no matter how depressed I’ve been, is always a fast no. So I struggle to understand people who off themselves.

I really struggle to understand those who off themselves in a way sure to cause the rest of the world ill. I mean, what was going through this person’s mind? If it was trying to be remembered, trying to make a mark, they failed. Sure, a lot of people like me where pissed off, or late going home, but life was hardly changed. His or her name is not mentioned, and this morning life is back to normal. A couple hours annoyance was the worst they caused the greater world.

It’s the people around them they hurt the most. Suicide in the end is a selfish thing. You may cease your own pain (or not if the religious are to be believed), but you cause immense pain to those around. I have a friend back in Canada whose mother suicided. It has left her marked and struggling throughout her life. Its just such a pointless thing to do.

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