A Japing Ape asked, “Would you rather sit on an ostrich egg or Captain Picard’s head?”

This is a trick question I think. To be honest I would not like to sit on either an ostrich egg or Captain Picard’s head. I think maybe perhaps it is one of those psycho exclusion questions where you show your deep dark inner self by choosing the lesser of two evils. As I must choose one or the other I would definitely choose Captain Picard’s head.

An ostrich egg, you see, as well as being uncomfortable, and likely to break, making a mess, would also have a mummy ostrich near by. Ostriches are big and quite fearsome. They have spurs at the back of their feet which can disembowel a lion. Their beaks are quite strong, as are their necks, and I have seen a walnut cracked by a hungry Ostrich before. I would not want to sit on an Ostrich egg as I think the mummy Ostrich would very likely hurt me.

Captain Picard’s head however, might be a little bit uncomfortable, and I suspect he wouldn’t like me up there, but he is a very urbain captain. I’m sure I would be feed excellent Earl Grey tea and good French food. As well, I would get to fly about with him in the Starship Enterprise, which would be cool. I would quite fancy going where no man has gone before, even if the price is sitting on a man’s head.

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