The joys of Fatherhood

“Daddy?” My princess walks into the kitchen as I wash up after dinner. She is in the midst of her two’s. Big ice blue eyes, shoulder length hair with layers of blond to light red that salons charge vast amounts of money to reproduce, and smart as a tack (not that I’m at all biased).

“Yes Poppet?”

“I’ve had a poo!” It is hard to convey the cuteness of her voice, especially at this stage when they have no shyness or inhibitions.

“That’s wonderful darling, well done!” We’re two months into potty training. There is a pause here as I think though the last minute and realise I didn’t hear either her steps on the stairs or the downstairs toilet flush. “Did you go to the toilet poppet?”


Deep steadying breath, “Where did you have this poo?”

“In my pants!” Said with great pride and pleasure.

“Why didn’t you go to the toilet or come and get mommy or daddy?”

“Didn’t want to.”

Deep sigh, the twos are a wonderful time. Its normally a real joy to see an independent personality emerge. Sometimes though…

“Shall we go upstairs and clean you up?”

“No. Don’t want to.” She pauses, her face showing the mental calculations currently going on. “Will you read me a story?”

“Well… Little girls who poo in their pants don’t normally get stories. Little girls who sit on the toilet get read to.”

“Owww! Wanna story!”

“Listen, lets go upstairs and clean you up. If you’re a good girl and don’t complain and help daddy out, we’ll come down and read a story afterwards.”

She pauses, processing the costs and benefits of this little transaction. “OK.”

I’ll delete the next bit, needless to say you need to really, really love someone to wipe their dirty bottom and clean out a “messy” pair of pants. Good thing she’s so cute.

We come downstairs and read “Incy Wincy Spider” before I go back to the washing up. Ten minutes pass.


“Yes poppet?”

“I’ve had a poo!”

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